Diary

2026-05-20 11:10 PM
Had to say goodbye to a beloved friend. I watched as the car left and disappeared around a corner- she's moving away, and I don't know if I will ever see her again. I'm going to miss her so very much

2026-05-26

I don't knowww what to dooooo with this pageeee and layoutttt

2026-06-1

I think I might change the font of my site to something a little more readable. Hmmm. I could handwrite my own font, and then import it online, which would be cute. I want to do an album review!! I also want to code the music coder on this site to actually work haha, and make toggleable gifs. Might make toggleable gifs first. There's actually some official web accessibility standards that I'd like to follow (for the most part), but I am genuinely so shit at Javascript it's crazy

2026-06-6

I'm listening to a lot of radio shows recently. I'm brainstorming a better layout for my Media reviews page, because I don't want to just have it be music reviews. I'd also like to extend it to art, shows, movies, and books

2026-06-7

Why I dislike love languages (as a framework for exchange in relationships, and understanding love)

The concept of the Five Love Languages was first described and created by Gary Chapman, an author and a Baptist minister born in 1938, with no scientific training in phsychology or anthropology. I dislike the concept deeply, and find it's a flawed model for how people like to recieve and give love. First off; the main premise of it presupposes that people, while expressing certain amounts of inclinations towards all languages, they will still have a MAIN love language. As someone who read through all of them, I like all of them, and need all of them to be close to someone- I don't have a 'main' one. It's as if, if someone were to ask for all of it, they would be deemed selfish, when in fact relationships are much more about a variety of support than two people with only two love languages exchanging them. I also really don't like the idea that if you 'give' to someone in the form of your love language it means you can skip out on important building blocks of trust in a relationship. You can't explain away one sidedness by saying that your love language is gift giving, and then refusing to extend emotional intimacy to your friends, or a partner. That's just not how humans function, nor is it kind. You can say you like gifts, or even like giving gifts and still practice other parts of relationships, contribute to emotional and physical labor, etc. You can say you like physical touch without making it the one big building block of a relationship. Relationships between people are like salad bowls. If it's just lettuce, you have a terribly bland salad. If you remove mozzerella from a caprese salad, it's no longer a caprese, but the same goes if you removed only the tomatoes or the basil. Yes, these things are different, but none of them are less important to the elements of a healthy relationship than to the next

2026-06-10

Uhggg I love animators- I love the PMV/AMV/MAP/Animatic communities. I've been rewatching some old ones that have stuck with me for a very long time, mainly two videos from mastertrapmon1588. It's betweeen Koen and Aster, their pokemon mystery dungeon ocs (BARE WITH ME HERE!!). Aster's stuck in the past, while Koen keeps thinking of the future- Koen's waiting for Aster to feel safe enough, again, to be able to go on adventures with them after Aster screwed up in the past and remains guilty over it. It's so sweet and also so sad- Koen wishes for more from Aster, that Aster isn't ready to give. But Aster is also willing to wait which I think is just,.. awwwwwwww. I've loved these two animatics since the first one came out (two years ago..?). On top of the story, the music is stellar, the animation is so effective at communicating the dynamic. How do you make such an intriguing story, and character dynamic in just two videos that only have like a minute run time each?? I love animation
Edit: Forgot to say which animatics!! The first one is boggle, the second is

blurt !

2026-06-11 Opening myself up to falling in love again

First up, little site updates!! I’m almost done with the main shrines page- I made a flipping animation so it shows the character’s name and series on the back, but I need to center the text, and actually make the pages. Right now I only have Andie from Doghaus, but their page isn’t finished. Also, dang this arc in the comic is gonna be ROUGH for them- I fear Stuart may be proven right about them and Maggie :’)).
Onwards- As a big move draws closer and closer, it’s becoming harder and harder to imagine what the future is going to be like for me. But I am also incredibly excited!!! I tend to close myself off to new experiences when I’m close to big life changes. I’m going to do the opposite this time- stay vulnerable, soft, and kind. I’m going to be open to falling in love again. It’s been a minute since I’ve had any new crushes or been in love. It’s kind of scary, especially as my last one was kind of a hot mess, and soul draining for me. Taking my lessons from that, I know I can be wiser about who I give what, but I also know I refuse to close my heart off, because I’m better with an open one. Heartbreak and all! So for now, I am excited even in the face of the unknown, to meet potential new friends, besties, and potential new partners

2026-06-12

You should read Doghaus if you're taking the time to read my posts. Go read it. Go. Shoo. Now!! The comments are so funny rn with the current arc going on- also love how Moowsie decided right after The Situation escalated, to break to a killer joke. I love 4 panel comic strips

2026-06-21

TADC released its finale finally, and omg. Jax is my opp. I can't stress enough how much he's such a terrible person and it SUCKSS- I have some stuff I love and some stuff I didn't like about the finale. I wish there was just like maybe a few moments of levity, though I get the tone makes sense given the situation. I wish Jax's part in the finale didn't take so dang long- did we need to see all the different versions of him, I feel like it would've still been effective. ALSO LET THE OTHERS HAVE SOME TIME TO PROCESS?? Uhggg I wish we got more from Ragatha, Gangle and Zooble. Jax and Caine ate so much of the runtime. I literally don't know how there's still people who will defend Jax's actions- I love him as a character- as a person??? NO!!! How are there people who think Ragatha is worse, it's literally just a misogynistic double standard. Let me check my notes- He 1. Tormented Gangle so much that she couldn't even relax when he was gone, and felt like she was just his plaything 2. Tells Ragatha to promise to never talk about Ribbit (WHO WAS A L S O Ragatha's dead friend!!! He told her not to talk about her dead friend, and grieve alone in silence!! Sure he was closer to Ribbit but you can't just do that!! "It was so hard for me" YEAH, no shit, you weren't allowed to grieve!!) 3. Physically torments the rest of the cast, too (throws Pomni out of a moving truck, throws Ragatha into a deep fryer, chokes Pomni, pushes Ragatha and Gangle) 4. Socially cut off Ribbit and then told her she was crazy for thinking there was something wrong between them and said that SHE was manipulating HIM- Ribbit literally offers to drop the whole thing, apologizes for pushing him too far, and he still ices her out because he was scared, he still never reaches out to someone who was literally his best friend likeeee what ARE WE DOING!!! WHAT!! He's not this big mystery character, it is very easy to see why he is acting the way he is acting- he had an emotionally abusive mum that prevented him from getting close to people, but that is a reason, not an excuse. His actions are his responsibility and he was offered so so SO many outs- so much forgiveness- and he never changed >:((( I do think he's very very queer coded tbh and it's so obvious in the finale, but man he is still my opp